I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
