the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
