Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
