Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
