You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
