I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
