I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
