god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
