If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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