shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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