Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
