i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
