my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
