i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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