u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
