she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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