i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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