I think im going to throw up on grandma
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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