Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's official drugs can't kill me
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That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
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She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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