everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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