oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
