Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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