Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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