i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
