May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
