This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
