Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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