you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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