I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
