She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
