I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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