I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
