This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
