i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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