its not stalking. its research.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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