Cold hands, warm shart.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
