How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
