Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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