I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
