And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
