i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
