He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
