Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
