Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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