I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
