I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
