TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
