I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
