you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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