you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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