would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
