girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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