you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
