at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
