She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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