you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
