Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize