Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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