she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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