wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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