I got chris browned last night
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
