You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
