If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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