so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
