I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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