Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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