if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
