they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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