The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
