How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
