Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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