Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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