i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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