Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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