so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
