So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry my hands just texted you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
