turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize