im having a threesome with these popsicles
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
