He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
