Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everclear isn't food dammit
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
