shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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