dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
