Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
