i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
