My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
