If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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