The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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