Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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