You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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