You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
