My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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