My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
