textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You can't special order awesome
it hurts more in the daytime
Welp...herpes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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