so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
